The love of a friend and our feelings of loss.

The love of a friend and our feelings of loss.... its a failure simple title to understand i believe. in our life we develop the feelings of love, compassion, care, etc. for our friends who we hold dear. now i don't really care what you say, i know we have all felt this positive feeling i have described. Just as we all have experienced the second feeling, the feeling of loss. now i didn't say we lost our friend, its the feeling of loss... the process of lost if you will. this is a scenario i'm not completely sure how to describe. the best i can say is that other circumstances, people, and problems will draw our friendships further apart. sometimes we can manage to pull our friendships/relationships through this time of grief, allowing us to grow more together. other times we realize our friendship wasn't as strong as we had hoped, splitting the two apart for a moment in time or forever.

i took a whole paragraph to explain something intended to only take a few sentences.

"A friend who is loved... can never be lost."

That is a quote i made up, and it is what sparked my thought process on this blog entry. the point is i have best friends (just as anyone would) and one specifically that i'm very close with. i love this person to death and fully realize that i'd die for them (and most of my good friends). but this feeling of loss comes from this best friend of mine. this idea that live is a challenge everyday, each day is a test, each day we must take as a blessing despite our hardships.

i guess the goal of me writing this is to better understand my current situation, writing allows me to become like a 3rd person; view my life from another persons eyes basically. i understand the importance of growing in friendships with others, but the fear of loss in my life is a great one.... its a fear i'm always conscious of.

anyways this was very random and confusing... but considering how messy my brain is right now, i'm okay with it

Pain.... unbearable, and yet incomprehensible

imagine if you will....

3 in the morning, lying in bed, alone and sad. your head is compressed from all sides, and your heart feels as if it we're slowly being pulled outward. you want to scream but and incapable, you want to cry but are unable. the feeligns of pain are real and yet completely a myth to the human race. we may know what causes pain, but have know true knowledge on how to solve pain (besides perhaps Time and God).

Everyone experiences pain in a different fashion, and everyone will cope with their emotions differently. although i may have methods of loud music, a smoke, a drink, a car, or a friend..... none of them truly fix the pain in my heart. partially because i hide the pain deep down so that i will not have to open up to others and become vulnerable, but also because pain is not a problem that can be fixed like a skinned knee or broken radio. pain has no cure and has no remedy. our best line of defense is time for healing and prayer for speeding up that process.

don't be a fool, i'll bet my life on the fact that you've experienced pain that made you want to curl up and cry.... we all have and i can admit to it. i've driven long trips and burst into tears, no reason why.... just bottled up emotions.

so don't go inflicting pain and sorrow upon others of our world (unless its a cat). live in a way that you can be honest yet caring, genuine yet thoughtful. there is no sense in causing this unbearable emotion onto others if we ourselves cannot handle it.

pain, an emotion that brings us to our knees to cry upon our Father

Pain, an emotion that gives us a needed contrast to happiness.... so that we may truly be grateful.

Be who you want to be, don't sell yourself to others

If I told you that you were a salesman what would you think? If I explained to you that every single day of our lives we are selling ourselves and our personality, what would you think? That I was calling you a whore or slut? Not quite the route I would be intending you to think of. The other day I thought about this illustration, how as an american culture we must prove to others how important and valuable person we are. Think through your daily life, see if what I’m claiming is true for yourself. Some people must tell others about their personal accomplishments, some dress to impress others (some people do dress for their own personal preference as well), and others maybe sell themselves by using their physical objects or belongings. Now maybe I’m alone in this view, perhaps people wouldn’t consider this selling ourselves. But to me, I feel like the majority of our life is spent trying to convince people how great we are and eventually we’ll loose our true self confidence. God intended us to be confident in ourselves, not cocky/conceited, but confident. If we are going to others to feel better about ourselves, then we loose control of ourselves. You are letting other people dictate how valuable you are as a person. Remember that you have the ability to know how important your are as a person, and that you and God alone have the right to decide who you are as a person.

Love those you hate, Treat them with respect so that they may change

There has been something eating at me for the last few weeks, something that truly is tragic and sad in my opinion. In our life there will be people who bother us, disappoint us, fail often, or even make us jealous of them (anyways you get the point, there will be people that we have strained relationships with). It seems to me that our most common response to these people and our relationships with them is simple; avoid them, discourage them, mock them. Call me crazy, but that method has never truly worked in my favor. In fact I find myself thinking poorly of the people who often do this (and I understand I am guilty of it as well).

I have a friend whose brother has been struggling lately in life, making poor decisions and improper actions. Everyone was hard on him, never truly encouraged him. No once had there been a substantial difference in his behavior from this. His sister treated him with respect, showed him love and affection that he hadn’t received in some time. These actions showed the difference, these behaviors of his changed when he was treated differently. I use this example to try and illustrate that treating someone with love and respect... EVEN if they may not deserve it.... Has stronger affects than the traditional approach (a negative one).

In life we will be in control of so many different aspects of ourselves, we will have the ability to choose who and why we care for people. But in life you will not always have control who will and will not have regular interactions with you. There will be people we do not like around us, and that is a cultural fact. Learn to love them for who they are and how God created them. God allows for us to make choices and adapt. This is greatly because of our relationships with others, we have the ability to get along with and enjoy everyone ever created. IF that is the path you choose. And believe me when I say, that is the path of the successful, the path of the friendly, the path of a person people genuinely want to be around.

my biggest challenge.... myself

You know I find it interesting to see how driven we all are as a human race, and yet the biggest obstacle we all face regardless of the goal... Is ourselves. Doesn’t matter matter if we are going for good grades, a challenging job, or even just writing about our emotions. The biggest challenge we usually will face is over coming our own mind, our own perceptions of self.

Haha so with that as an excuse to my lack of writing, perhaps I’ll finally start clearing my head. Way to much junk going on up there lately.

Grandma's Tribute

Its amazing to me how fast the days go, and no... not just when your having fun. The days we live are great and such a blessed gift from God, but this gift is a short one. Each day we live seems to go by faster and faster, each day is different and holds numerous circumstances, but most importantly... each day is ours.

That introduction was probably a little more choppy than I would of liked, but its late and will have to do. The point I want to bring up is the tremendous need in our culture to start living each day as our last, “live like you were dying” (some country song lyrics). But the deep underlying topic I’ve been wanting to address is my grandma, and before I address her I wanted to mention her love of life. She lived everyday to its fullest. My dad likes to say she lived as if she would “dance in the rain.” Simply this means that even on the rainiest and darkest days, she found reason to dance and love life.

If I had to look back amongst the relatives I lost I could genuinely say I loved them. I could say I cared for them while they were alive. But could I really say that I longed for their presence, that their loss still brought tears to my eyes, that they truly touched my life down to my deepest core? I couldn’t say they did, I couldn’t believe most have done that besides two strong people in my life. Uncle Larry and Grandma. (now before people get all crazy, yes my other relatives mattered and affected me.... But the didn’t affect me in such a deep and attentive way as these two did) When I was growing up, the younger years, grandma wasn’t such an important role model and person to me as she was in my later teen years. It’d be safe to say that I wasn’t mature enough to truly appreciate what she would say and do for me. It was Grandma’s first death scare that I realized how important she was to me and how important I had become to her.

She was in the Mayo Clinic and we weren’t sure on her health yet at this time. Dad and I went to visit her and she was in the weakest state I had ever seen her, she couldn’t hardly even speak to us besides a light whisper. We were there for her and yet she insisted on praising us, she insisted that she showed her love through words to us. I remember the image in my head vividly... Dark room, after visitation hours... Aunt mary gail on the right side of the bed... Dad massaging grandma’s very swollen feet... And me a 16-17 year old teenager on the left. Grandma started to tell me how much she loved me, how she noticed who I was and what I would become. She knew more about my future than I could have ever imagined for even myself. She told me how she thought I was such a gentleman and how I had so many friends due to the encouragement I was able to give others. But most importantly to me, she told me she knew without a doubt in her mind that I was going to become a great prosperous man (prosperous is not confined to financial wealth despite popular belief). She told me I would go far in life, I would accomplish my dreams and aspirations, I would live life like my father has. She also told me that I was her favorite grandson.... Now hold on I don’t want this to be taken as in picking favorites. But I believe she said this because of our mutual love for the human communication and relationships we are capable of. We never talked about it while she was alive. But the only way she could have said what she did, and known what she did, is if she cared enough to learn about that as I have. And its for that reason I believe she said that about me, because I was like her in a lot of ways.

The next part about grandma I want to share is the letter she gave me upon learning that I would be attending Bethel university. Below is the letter in italics and underlined.

Feb 2, 2008

Heavenly Father, this is a very special day for my grandson, Joshua Flom. He will take a new path in his young life that means so much to us, his family. We feel with our prayer and guide lines we can be of some help.

Joshua knows his Lord, and has a strong foundation. I pray he will choose great friends, and to make friends, you must be one. Be a good listener and avoid all temptations. Feel good about yourself, feel needed, be helpful. When awake in the morning, know that God is at your side. Ask for guidance for the day and He will be there.

It is frustrating and even scary to leave the cozy nest of home where you had all the love and protection most students have, but this is the way of life (your nest will always be there).

This will be a great year for you. Keep healthy, work hard, and progress and happiness will return. I will enjoy watching you advance to a fine young man in this busy world.

Josh! You are so blessed with loving, devoted parents who want the best for you. They will always be there. Your special brothers and great sister are so proud of you.

To some it may seem like a simplistic letter, to some it may not even seem special. To me... it is the last letter I received from my grandma and also the most important. You see, to me this letter tells me that I am capable of greatness in my life. It tells me that others are proud of the life I have lived and are there to carry me through any challenges. This is tremendous for me to hear! In my life I have been great at speaking wisdom into others through advice or something. But rarely have I been capable of taking my advice and applying it to my own life. Grandma helped me change that. To this day, even after her death, she continues to help me grow. Odd right? Her memory and life example has come to teach me vast amounts of wisdom, and I’ll continue to learn as I continue to remember and honor her memory.

So tonight I praise the Lord for the best grandma of a lifetime, the best grandma I could have ever imagined. I praise her memory and the example she has left for me and those who knew her.

Go out and live life to the fullest not only for yourself, but for my grandma who has eternally touched my life.

Go out and dance in the rain.

hit the ground running kind of family

Occasionally I find myself in a daze, trying to catch up with the moments and thoughts at hand. Occasionally I find life moving so quickly and without pause, that I become overwhelmed with my own thought process. In a hit the ground running lifestyle I learn to become accustomed to the fast pace... But being human I naturally will trip occasionally. These trips are a nuisance, but not without a silver lining. These bumps and rough spots in life allow me to take a break from this race to the end (why are we racing in the first place?) and sit on a bench for a while and just think. Granted you need a mental image of me running through life and the traumatic or difficult moments are me tripping, the thinking is me sitting on a bench catching my breathe.... Figured I’d explain for the unimaginative out there.

Every family has its corks, little things that are unique to that specific family “build.” My family has many unique features, many differences to others... One key detail is how fast my family moves through life (your lucky to catch your breathe at all). I know saying that we move at a fast pace doesn’t really describe it much, I don’t really know how to explain how speed is a unique feature to a family. Put very simply, we move from one event to another at a moments notice, quite often with out planning to.

I grew up like this, I love this, its defined me greatly. But that doesn’t mean life is simplistic just because I grew up this way. You miss certain thins that are tremendously important, which is back to my first statement. A chance to breathe... A chance to talk... A chance to communicate your thoughts and feelings with the people around you. With out these chances/opportunities, your destined to be confused or to bury your feelings deep down in a place no one can help to sort them out. I love being able to communicate with others, to learn about peoples joys along with theirs fears and pains. But I’ve lost that opportunity with my family at times, now don’t take that to an extreme... I still have the great privilege of being very close with my family. But with this fast paced tendency I’ve “skipped” over certain points with my siblings and parents that could have been greatly helpful at that point in time. As time moves on, these situations become forgotten and result in a lack of communicated issues.

Some people can read a piece of writing and realize you take bits and pieces as literal while other pieces as a grain of salt (if I said the correctly that is). My intention in writing this is as usual mostly for me, but also to make light of something I think is over looked. Don’t allow yourself to fly through life and miss out on communicating those crucial issues with the ones you love. It may seem like a minor thing to miss, but trust me it can change a lot. Speaking from experience, the few friendships I’ve lost I can attribute directly to a lack of communication a specific issue. You’ll live to regret these such moments, I can promise you that.

telling people you care, loose the fear of rejection

How do you tell someone you care for them, how do you tell them their your world? With countless words in our dictionary, we still find it to be such an immense challenge to explain our feelings to others. But then there’s the idea that actions speak louder than words… though that only works if you can actually see the person. If you never see them, it’s hard to perform any extraordinary acts to illustrate your deep feelings for them.

So we’re stuck, we are at a loss for using the words in our English language and we are unable to illustrate our emotions through actions. So what is our best option then, what is the best way to show or describe how much we care for this person… how much they mean to us; friends and lovers alike. I’ve found there is only one option when it comes to sharing our feelings, only one possible route. Take a deep breath and spill our emotions out as is they were being worn on our shoulders. There is no “I don’t know,” we cannot allow ourselves to hide from the people we care for by saying we don’t understand our feelings or don’t know what they mean.

I understand better than most that when we drop our feelings onto others we run the risk of rejection… we run the risk of encountering the curse of pain. But I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all, rather experience loss and rejection than never knowing rejection and acceptance alike.

To anyone worried about making a move towards the unknown, to my future circumstances, to people in general... don’t be worried about rejection and the judgments of others, they do not determine your self-worth. Take a step towards the scary moments in your life; make a move towards your dreams that scare you. I promise you will be hurt… things don’t work out perfectly every time. But more importantly I promise you… you will live. More importantly you will live with no regrets, no unknowns, and more happiness. We’re all scared, but we don’t all have the will power to do something about it.

thoughts about a meteor shower and girl

Stars fall to the earth in the dark of night, painting the sky with vibrant streaks of green and red. Beauty appears in our darkness for a moment to bring color into our lives. I look into the sky to see these green streaks, to see this color that reminds me of the beauty that fills your eyes. Gods beauty is unfolded as you look into the sky, just as I see gods beauty in his creation; you... In a night that has been filled with joy and tremendous sights; I can only think of one genuine improvement. Laying down in the field with my favorite, gorgeous, and spectacular girl in my arms. With the first shooting star to light the midnight sky, I’ll wish for a kiss from that special girl with me.